You often hear the phrase, “Believe it or not, kids really want limits.” This isn’t quite the case. It is true that in the long run, youngsters are more comfortable in a house where parents have clear, reasonable rules and enforce them consistently and fairly. The kids are more comfortable whether or not they realize the connection. At any one moment, however, children want what they want, and they are angry and disappointed if they don’t get it. This often leads to testing and manipulation.
Testing and Manipulation (T&M) are the efforts of children to get what they want. They don’t want to go to bed, they want candy right before dinner, they don’t want to get up and go to school, they want to hit their sister. In order to get their way and foil their parents' wishes, children automatically tend to test and manipulate from time to time. They can do this in six ways...
We have a question today from Emily, and it’s got a little trick to it. Emily is an occupational therapist.
Q: A two-year-old boy won’t stay in his timeout chair.
She says, “I’m trying to help one of my families implement this program with a toddler that is 26 months old. The mother has stated that she has used a timeout chair; however, the boy will not stay seated, so she feels like she has to hold him on the spot to keep him there.
Today we have an interesting question from Amy.
Q: What are some differences between 1-2-3 Magic and Jane Nelson's positive discipline program?
First of all, there are a number of similarities between the two programs. Both focus on mutual respect. They focus on things like charting, being positive with the children, having family meetings, and doing active or sympathetic listening.
Today we have a question from Erin who has her hands full.
Q: What should I do with a child who gets aggressive when it’s time for a timeout?
She writes, “I have a four-year-old who gets very aggressive when he gets to a three-count and needs a timeout. He does not go willingly to his room for the timeout, and he gets angry, scratches, hits, and pulls my hair when I attempt to escort him to timeout. If I do get him to his room, he'll kick the door for the duration of his timeout...
Our question today has to do with special-needs children in 1-2-3 Magic. It's from Loretta and it goes like this:
“We have found the structure and less emotional aspects of 1-2-3 Magic to be incredibly helpful in working with our child with autism, although we do have to modify the count to give a couple of reminders when we're at 2. Ultimately, our child is able to self-correct and save the situation. This has been so helpful for us all...”
Q: Do you have any other tips or suggestions for kids who need a little more support with transitions or other advice for parents of children with special needs?